I recently got sucked into a political debate in the comments section of a Facebook friend’s update, where he posted a link to Sarah Palin’s obviously ghostwritten op-ed in the Washington Post on global warming politicizing science. At first I took the bait and came out swinging with my two cents, but as my blood began to boil at the rote, pig-headed, teabagger mentality, paranoid conservative song and dance, I remembered Thomas Jefferson’s quote, “Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them.”

So I changed my tact and tried simple ridicule. Tommy J. really had something, because I ended up having a LOT more fun comparing this one particular nincompoop to a harmless teddy bear than I would have had vivisecting his delusional ravings with logic and reason. I started using his full name just for sport, but halfway through I wondered if I was subconsciously trying to Google bomb him in the hopes that someday some would-be employer would find his angry, racist, homophobic, ignorant sputterings and toss his C.V. in the trash.

(This exchange has been edited to include only the relevant barbs.)

Jason Brock: My evidence that Obama is a scumbag idiot is in his incredible lack of experience or qualifications and the mountain of scumbags, communists, tax cheats and felons that he surrounds himself with…Is this news to you?..He was put in office by the media who essentially donated $100s of millions of fawning coverage to him, and a $700 million dollar war chest cobbled together by the most filthy liberal bag-men America has to offer.

Jason Brock: Emissions reductions logically will cost both consumers and manufacturers handsomly. To claim that it wouldn’t is so astounding that only a blind eco religion faithful would claim it would not…Palin is correct. Developing alternative energies, and forgoing domestic exploration for fuel, is not only a fruitless endeavor but it is a massive sinkhole in search for the currently impossible…Of course there are many eco-industrialists who want us to believe otherwise because they stand to siphon off billions of dollars of taxpayer monies to fund bottomless research attempting to find something that doesn’t currently exist…All this predicated on a FAT LIE that the Earth is warming and it is 100% the fault of humans, based in a premise that Co2 is a pollutant…WTF?…I suppose H2O is a pollutant too?

Danforth France: She makes no sense at all. She’s misrepresenting several key facts in the first three paragraphs. The fact that one of her first points is that the “environmental agenda” will hurt our economy is a red flag that Palin, and anyone else who puts the word experts in quotes, is more concerned with short-term money-making than the truth. Palin and her ilk love to dismiss experts in any category because it’s easier to ignore their warnings and chase after the dollar. Ruin will always be more profitable than conservation. She’s basically full of shit. She’s asking that global warming data not be politicized while politicizing the data in the same breath. It’s a classic, pandering appeal to the ignorance (she calls it “common sense”) of her base, while using code words to delegitimize the honest, hard work of people 10 times smarter than her. Economic impact cannot be a legitimate counter argument against scientific findings. The fact that it costs money refutes nothing.

(Here’s where I make my turn.)

Danforth France: Oh, and Jason Brock is adorable.

Jason Brock: The relevance of the “what magazines do you read” question escapes me. I fail to see the “gotcha!” moment. What is the implication? That she does not read the leftist tripe masquerading as journalism? She clearly knows far more than Katie “I am a liberal whore” Couric. What has she said that “contradicts facts”?

Danforth France: If there was a plush version of Jason Brock, I would keep one next to my pillow. So cute.

Jason Brock: Danforth, please. Palin is absolutely correct in her indictment of the pseudo-scientists that are attempting to extract monies from the Fed by falsifying computer models to create a massive green industry. Global warming is a hoax of proportions unrivaled. Climate science has become a religion and all dissenters summarily dismissed as heretics, if they aren’t burned at the media/government stake.

Danforth France: When Jason Brock talks, I just want to pinch his cheeks!

(At this point he starts to ignore me and go after someone else in the thread.)

Jason Brock: Kevin, what do you smoke? What leads you to believe science and belief in God are incompatible? God created the universe and the laws of physics in it. You may think the Earth is an age incongruous with Biblical theory, on the other hand you probably believe that evolution is an incontrovertible fact. Which makes you as blindly faithful to an uproven speculation as Sarah Palin.

Danforth France: Jason Brock, come here so I can feed you a great big marshmallow! When you chew you look just like a little man!

(He continues to ignore me.)

Jason Brock: Eric, I read no magazines. I see right through them. They are by-and-large propaganda. I do, however, read some of the articles published in the liberal yellow-journalistic rags to keep on top of what the scumbags are pumping out into the small minds of the faithful left…If the stupid question was asked of me, I wouldn’t have an answer either. I read pretty much none of them literally, yet I know what they contain based on reading the articles online.

Danforth France: Jason Brock, if you don’t see the difference in the educational value of a magazine as compared to a tampon, may I suggest you aren’t using either correctly? Also, if I bought you a little cowboy outfit, would you wear it?

Jason Brock: Danforth, the worth of the most widely distributed liberal rags masquerading as journalism is about as valuable for education as a tampon, a used one at that.

Danforth France: C’mon, Jason Brock. At least put on the little hat.

Jason Brock: To fulfil your liberal perversion? You want a monkey, you got one and he resides in the White House. (lest some liberal think I made a racist comment, let us not forget how many times Bush was called a monkey) Palin makes Obama look like the Democrat party black community pimp he was. Mind you, his only qualification.

Danforth France: A monkey would be awesome! They are so smart and so much like us, if you believe the agenda of the liberal geneticists. But I’m happy with cuddling with you, Jason Brock, my little magical tickle bear.

Jason Brock: As for Andrew Sullivan. That marijuana addict homosexual activist is still claiming that Trig wasn’t Palin’s son…These are the type of scumbags who manufacture bullshit for the soul purpose of slandering Mrs. Palin.

Jason Brock: Eric, Couric is a Democrat party whore. Her intentions in interviewing Palin were not righteous. She was looking to destroy Palin and she got nothing. Couric reserves her softballs, or blowjobs, for her Democrat buddies…If you seriously believe that that asinine question of Palin demonstrates anything damning than you are a complete idiot, which is quite common of Palin haters.

Danforth France: Jason Brock, would you mind trying to get the last of the honey out of this giant, over-sized jar? Try not to fall into the jar, because I would just DIE seeing your little bear cowboy boots sticking out. JUST DIE.

Jason Brock: Remember Winnie the Pooh was always the character that got the other retards out of their predicaments…Which character most fits you, Danforth?

Danforth France: You wanna play dress up, Jason Brock? I thought you’d never ask! What a fun little darling you are!

(At this point, things seemed to die down. The end.)