The Strain of Gaiety » Writing

Horoscopes

Danforth — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:23:26 +0000

I strayed across an archive of my old, old blog. This is a word-for-word repost of a bit of “comedy” I wrote in the summer of 2002.

Aries – Love is in the air tonight, Aries. However, so is dander. Be prepared and bring tissues for both.
Taurus – You will receive a handsome reward. Even though you never thought your deadbeat uncle was handsome.
Gemini – Don’t look for that big promotion at work, Gemini. Instead, look for that three-hole punch. Someone keeps moving it and that is bullshit.
Cancer – Easy there, Cancer. For today your rampant anti-Semitism will land you in hot water. When you land this hot water, relax, because you’ll be soaking in a hot spring resort that doesn’t allow in any Jews.
Leo – Leo, Leo, Leo. Would you hurry and gay it up already?
Virgo – That certain special someone is ready to listen to what you have to say. They’ve grown accustomed to that weird thing on your face and will be able to listen without distraction.
Libra – Stop drinking caffeine. That’s no way for a Mormon to behave. You are a Mormon.
Scorpio – Take on a long put-off task and finish it. No, not your model of the Romulan Warbird, you fucking dork-ass.
Sagittarius – For the answers you seek, you may have to seek a higher power. If you want answers from a fictional, invisible life force that has time to govern physics, destiny, time, space, and whether or not you should go back to drafting school.
Capricorn – Go to Vegas. Go to the Frontier Hotel. Room 2009. Do not eat or drink anything for at least 18 hours before you arrive. The human body is very resilient.
Aquarius – Use today to post some pointless funny material to your website. Do not dismay when no one reads it and no one ever gives you any feedback on it.
Pisces – Go fuck yourself.

All Finished

Danforth — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:22:18 +0000

I did it! I wrote a 100-page screenplay in 30 days. Wow. I just finished a little over an hour ago and boy are my fingers tired. I don’t think I really believed I would do it when I started. It seemed like the kind of encouraging exercise I should do, but making it passed the finish line? I wouldn’t have bet on it.

I know it looks like I cheated. But I didn’t. I wrote a good half of the thing in the last 24 hours. That’s how bad I didn’t want to fail.

100 Pages in 30 Days

Danforth — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:19:54 +0000

I’ve decided to take the Script Frenzy challenge and write a 100 page screenplay in the month of April. I will also launch this blog and try to quit smoking AND try lose some weight — no easy combination of tasks.

I don’t know what I will write yet, or if I will write with a partner. I have a lot of trouble finishing things I’ve started, so this will be a real challenge. I’ve tried to enlist a few of my funniest and/or writerliest freinds to do it also as a support group. Just think of the collection of rubbish screenplays we’ll have when we are done!

Fingers crossed that it will be a rollicking good time. I expect it to rollick. Or, it will be my three-paged failure at National Novel Writing Month all over again.